Chapter XV

Buffy and Angel simply couldn’t get enough of each other.  Angel hadn’t been the demonstrative type since he was very small, but now, with Buffy, he couldn’t not touch her every chance he got.  He had unknowingly thirsted all those years for physical contact and needed to feel her, drink her in like a life-sustaining liquid.  Buffy was seized by the same depth of need for him.  She understood now her hesitancy in giving herself to someone else.  Angel felt ‘right’.  No one else had ever compared to him.  It was as if a part of them had always been together and now they were once more complete.

Except for their evening with Cordelia and Wesley, they spent all of their time at Angel's house.  He made it clear it was now her home as much as his own.  That he wanted her there, in the center of all that he was, underscored to Buffy how deeply he loved her.  Yet even if he had nowhere to lay his head, home to her would now always be wherever Angel was.

Their only forays away from the house, other than work, were for food or to Buffy's apartment to pick up the clothes and essentials that she needed.  The outside world, for all intents and purposes, did not exist.  Where they worked, however, was a different matter altogether.

Their first week back in the office after their tumultuously revealing weekend wasn’t easy.  Keeping their hands and lips off each other seemed nearly an impossible feat once they arrived –together – at work.  It took them a little time to adjust to being in the real world, so to speak, with other people in it.  All of their discipline was needed to keep their distance from each other especially with the temptation of the two of them sharing an office alone … with a lockable door.  But, except for a certain amount of inescapable, but brief caresses and impossible-to-not-have kisses, they had kept the door unlocked and their behavior almost professional most of the time.  Well … most of the time.  Making allowances those first difficult days to satisfy a different kind of hunger, they found their noon break much more enjoyable spent in the supply closet rather than the lunchroom.

*****

Angel couldn't focus on the papers he had lined up neatly in front of him – the mundane task for which the battered wooden desk had been provided.  The image in his mind kept shifting to the unique use they’d found for it that momentous evening over a week earlier.  Buffy wasn’t faring much better.  She couldn’t seem to make sense of anything on the computer screen before her, her thoughts and glances kept turning to the man behind her.

When they had been in their chairs for all of a half-hour, Buffy couldn’t stand it any longer.  She pulled something up she had been working on and wisely asked her most learned officemate if he had any insights.  He was more than willing to help her with her problem.

That was how Xander found them.  Angel stood behind Buffy, his hand had wandered down and lost itself in the tempting silkiness of her hair.  He leaned over where she sat to drop a kiss on the shining golden mass as he peered into her laptop screen.  To say Xander was in shock was an understatement.  The large book he had brought with him to drop off to their office slid out of his limp hands and hit the floor with a resounding thump.  Buffy practically jumped to a standing position, barely missing Angel's chin in the process.  Xander didn’t miss Angel’s hand coming up on her shoulder.  He couldn’t tell if it was protectively, possessively, or both.

“Xander,” Buffy managed to get out in an almost normal tone, “what brings you here?”

“Book,” Xander said, unable to get more than the single word out as he scrambled for the fallen volume that had announced his presence.  Angel glared at him and said nothing, which made Xander all the more nervous.  “It’s, uh, a reference book they were handing out, thought I’d do you a favor and bring it down,” he explained.

“Thanks,” Buffy told him taking the offering, “Never have too many books, right Angel?”  She tried to make the soft jab to his ribs unnoticeable.  If Angel hadn’t been good with reflexes, he might have jumped himself.  But his verbal reaction sounded more like a growl than words.

Xander didn’t miss Buffy calling him Angel, not Liam or Angelus, but ‘Angel’ and wondered how long she’d been doing that and why.  Then he saw that one finger on the hand she used to reach for the book had a ring exactly like the one Angelus was wearing on one of the fingers still curled around Buffy’s shoulder.  Aloud he said, “I thought if our office needed to be cluttered with more books, so did yours,” for lack of anything else to say.

If someone had told him he’d walk in on Buffy and Angelus together like that, he’d have never believed them.  What could Buffy possibly be thinking?  Xander thought someone like Riley was more her speed and had been surprised she seemed to want nothing to do with him.  But, Angelus?  The guy who skulked through the hallways the few times he ventured out?  The guy who hardly ever spoke and when he did, it was more of a growl, like just now?  He wasn’t by any stretch of the imagination normal, so what did Buffy see in him?  Xander suddenly realized that Buffy had outlasted anyone else who had worked with Angelus several times over.  That in itself was amazing.  But those rings …rings were serious, weren’t they?

“I guess my mission here is done,” Xander told them and moved backward with a speed and accuracy he didn’t usually possess.

“Thanks again, Xander,” Buffy repeated.  She could see how nervous Xander was and it occurred to her he was only the first.

*****

Buffy insisted, and even though Angel had been more than reticent about it, after the first week they made their relationship no secret.  They openly shared a table together at lunch waiting for the expected jaws to drop at the sight, which they did.

The very first person to lay eyes on them was Riley Finn, watching from the opposite side of the room.  He had already known the two were an item, ever since the night Angelus had broken Riley's nose.  He hadn't actually seen them together until just that morning in the parking lot of the complex.  The car was in a fairly secluded spot some distance from the building, but Riley could see only too well.  Angelus opened the door of his dark convertible to help Buffy out, bending down to give her a long, deep kiss as she alighted.  No one else in the group that Riley usually had coffee with every morning paid any attention to what was going on outside their window.  Only he saw the two lovers embrace, saw Buffy lean into Angelus and wrap her small arms around his neck.  Riley had turned his head quickly before anyone followed his gaze, he wasn't about to point them out.
 
Now Buffy and Angelus were sitting right there in front of everyone, bold as brass.  It turned Riley's stomach.  Angry and repulsed as he was at the sight, he checked his temper to avoid making a scene in front of his friends and coworkers.  He had only to remember what a fool Angelus had made of him at Buffy's party, flying across the table just playing a stupid game.  He was relieved that, as far as he knew, no one had heard about his altercation with Angelus that ill-fated Friday night at Buffy's apartment.  Riley had already lost the job he'd wanted all his life and the only girl he'd ever met that made his heart skip a beat, all because of that unbalanced misfit.  He wasn't going to lose anymore to Angelus.  Once again he looked away from them, knowing now was not the time.

Willow, with Tara in tow, were the only ones to approach Buffy and Angel.  Buffy had talked to Willow briefly on the phone, but they hadn’t seen each other in over a week.  Lending support with her presence, Willow pulled Tara down next to her, seeing Buffy’s grateful look.  Angel gave them what could almost pass for a normal hello, he even managed to lift the corner of his lips just a little.  Remaining silent, Tara let Willow take the lead.  Tara slipped Angel a small knowing look and he gave her the shadow of one in return.

Willow spied the matching rings as she sat down across from them, her eyes widening, her smile spreading across her winsome face.  “Are you really married?” she demanded. Then a hurt look quickly surfaced before she could hide it as the true meaning hit her.  “And you never said anything?” she asked.

“According to Angel,” Buffy told her soothingly, “we are in Ireland.”  At Willow’s puzzled expression she went on, “It’s a custom there that if you exchange Claddagh rings you’re married, but I doubt it would hold up in a court of law here … or in a court of Giles,” she said with a twinkle in her eye.

“Oh … oh!” Willow exclaimed as Buffy’s words sunk in.

“Don’t worry, Will,” Buffy assured her, “you’ll be the first to know about any plans, I promise.”

Angel was obviously ill at ease being stared at by most of the lunchroom occupants.  But Willow was surprised that he didn’t seem uncomfortable with the conversation.  As far as he was concerned the rings signified they were one, in body, heart and soul.  Only if Buffy requested it, would Angel ever remove the ring from his finger while he was alive.  He knew Buffy would be a part of him for all eternity, rings or not.

Deep inside, Angel was of the old school and formally announcing to the world that she was his was important to him.  Only his own nagging reluctance at tying her to him because of his own shortcomings prevented him from it.  Buffy knew how he felt and also knew it was something only Angel could deal with and at some point in time it would happen.  She was content to wait until the time was right, as long as she had Angel beside her now … and always.

That and he had yet to meet Giles, something that had the formidable former federal agent quaking in his boots.  Angel had insisted that they visit Giles without delay, he knew how important her surrogate father was to Buffy.  She had already called him and made plans to visit during the week.  Angel did indeed want Giles’ blessing but he still felt she deserved more than he had to offer.  He wondered greatly what this unknown father figure in Buffy’s life would think of him.

*****

Angel tried to keep his hands from shaking on the wheel of the car as he and Buffy neared their destination.  He wasn’t usually the jittery sort, but it was yet another reaction he was trying to learn to deal with in the array of new emotions being with Buffy engendered.  Buffy had changed Angel and his life a little more with each passing day.  He didn’t think, however, that being nervous about meeting the other most important man in Buffy’s life was a more positive aspect of it.  Anything connected with her seemed to have a deep impact on Angel.  She sensed his tension and leaned her head on his shoulder as they slowly walked from the car to the house.  Just feeling her warmth helped relax him a little.  She was worth any anxiety, he decided, as he glanced down at the halo of golden hair.

Giles opened the door as they mounted the steps of the porch.  “Buffy,” he said, giving her a perfunctory peck on the cheek as she turned it up towards him.  “And this must be Angel,” he continued as he looked at the tall man beside her.

Angel flushed hearing his nickname spoken by the other man.  “Liam Angelus, sir,” he said stiffly, offering his hand, catching the grin on Buffy’s face at seeing the color in his cheeks.

“Buffy has a way of … umm … uniquely identifying everyone,” Giles told him.

“So I’ve noticed, Giles,” Angel said, producing what was supposed to be a smile.

“Please do come in,” Giles invited as he stepped back and made room for them to enter.  He led them into the living room, leaving them to sit on the couch while he took a nearby armchair.  A tray with coffee and tea was already prepared and laid out on the table.

“No get-together is complete without Giles’ tray,” Buffy teased.  “Sorry, Giles, Angel is a coffee drinker.  No chance to turn him to the dark side.”

As Giles poured coffee for Buffy and then for Angel, he hesitated, watching her spoon mounds of sugar into her cup.  “You might want to leave some for Liam,” he warned her.

“Nope, no fear there, he takes it like a man,” she smiled.

Angel, trying to quell the nervousness that had overcome him once more, reached for the cup Giles held out to him.  He wasn’t used to being in this kind of setting, didn’t know what was expected of him.  “Thank you,” he managed to mumble.

Giles saw Buffy quietly creep her hand into the one of the large man at her side.  Even though Angel kept his eyes directed on his host, Giles saw him clutch hers as if it were a lifeline.  His heart warmed to the stranger immediately.  If Angel had been an island, as Buffy had lamented on her last visit, it seemed she had indeed found her way onto it.  It was then he noticed the ring sparkling on Buffy’s finger and also caught sight of its mate on the hand Angel was using to steady his coffee cup.  The hands and fingers they were worn on were not lost on him.

“Buffy tells me you have a reason for your visit,” Giles said candidly, still looking at the rings.

Angel eyes had followed Giles’ gaze.  He felt like he was starting backwards before he’d even opened his mouth.  “These were my great-grandparents rings,” he said trying not to stumble over his words.  “I … we …” he attempted.  Buffy squeezed his hand and he looked at her.  He knew she was waiting to rescue him if he asked. Just her touch was enough to fortify his resolve.  “We made vows to each other, but not in a church and not according to law,” he finally got out, somewhat shakily.

“And you feel those vows are binding?” Giles questioned him.  He couldn’t say he was pleased there was no formal wedding, but there was, at least, a commitment.

“I do,” glancing at Buffy once more, Angel amended, “We do.”  He knew he should give the man more of an explanation, but the words wouldn’t come.

“Buffy,” Giles asked, “would you be so kind as to fetch the sandwiches I left in the kitchen?  I know you didn’t have time to eat before the drive here.  And, if you would, please make another pot of tea while you’re there.”

She knew a hint when she heard one.  Looking up at Angel who became even more tense, she pressed her hand into his once more, but acquiesced silently to Giles’ request.  She gave Angel a look filled with love and support on her way out the door.

“Let me be blunt, Angelus,” Giles told him, “I assume you are here for my blessing.  Yet, it seems to be a rather belated consideration.”

“I can’t and wouldn’t deny that,” Angel said, gaining strength from Buffy’s parting glance.  “It wasn’t something that was planned, but it doesn’t make it any less significant.”

“Yet you see nothing wrong with sharing your own vows without any legality?” Giles asked him.

“I will love her and be with her until the day I die if she’ll have me,” Angel stated firmly.

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Giles replied, but put up his hand to stop the younger man from responding further.  “Let me be clear.  As I’m sure she’s informed you, I’m not Buffy’s real father, nor do I have any legal standing where she’s concerned.  I do, however, look upon her as a daughter.  That daughter came to me not very long ago in tears.  Someone had hurt her deeply.  He had spent the night with her and then abandoned her without a word.”

Angel flinched as though he had been struck.  Giles could see the misery fill Angel’s eyes before he lowered them to the floor.  The sag in his shoulders confirmed his lack of self-worth.  “I was wrong, I shouldn’t have left her.  I’m not saying I deserve her,” he admitted in a low tone, then looking Giles directly in the eye he continued, “But I swear I’ll never hurt her again if I can help it and I’ll never leave her again … unless she asks.”

Giles knew the way Angel said the words that his leaving her had been for her sake, not his own.  He didn’t know what was in the young man’s past nor did he think it was any of his business.  He did know Buffy had to make her own decisions and that by accepting his ring, she had already done so.

“I have no doubt how deeply you love her and she loves you,” Giles said, “But love of one’s self isn’t an easy thing to come by.”

Buffy hadn’t mentioned how shrewd her surrogate father was.  Angel was glad to know she had someone like that in her life, but he had no reply.  His head dipped down again.  There was nothing he could say.

“I’ve known Buffy for a long time,” Giles said quietly, “She is one of the most loving people I’ve ever met.  She is also a good judge of character and has come by it the hard way.  You might do well to look at yourself through her eyes.”

Buffy chose that moment to return with a plate of sandwiches in one hand and a teapot in the other.  Sensing all was not well she made her way to Angel’s side.  After setting down what she was carrying she reached for his hand.  Angel grasped it and held on.  Buffy looked at him, then at Giles.

“Your rings are beautiful, “Giles said, “I’d be interested to hear the story behind them.”

Angel couldn’t believe Giles had changed the subject, and so smoothly.  Grateful, he found the courage to look back up at him.  “My great-grandparents fell in love with each other at first sight.  That same day he bought the rings and they were wed,” he recounted.  “Before he died, he gave them to my father and told him they were for whomever found their true love.”

Buffy unclasped her hand from Angel’s long enough to give Giles a better look at the antique ring on her finger.  The brilliance of her smile outshone the stone in the center.  “Angel told me they were married for over fifty years,” she relayed to him.

“I can’t help then, but give my blessing,” Giles said as he admired the beautiful piece of jewelry, “when history seems to have repeated itself, at least in principle.”  He couldn’t help adding, “I’m not against a more, uh, formal event at some future date.”

Buffy gave him a sheepish grin and thanked him.  Angel nodded his thank you, not even attempting to respond verbally.

They drank their respective cups of tea and coffee and made a small dent in the food.  Since it was a weeknight and they had work the next day, Buffy and Angel left shortly after a few more minutes of conversation.  On the drive back Angel was quiet.  Buffy finally asked him what they had talked about while she was gone.  “He’s a very wise man,” Angel said somewhat cryptically. “He suggested I try a new view,” but wouldn’t elaborate when she pressed him.

*****

Buffy knew her request would be difficult for Angel, but she didn’t give up.  Asking him to take her to Willy’s wasn’t for her though, it was for him.  Angel needed to be in the real world, needed to step out of the shadows he’d lived in most of his life.  It may have been a small thing to others, but she knew Angel accompanying her to the Friday night get-together was a big step for him.  He balked, as she knew he would when she first mentioned it, but she had a stubborn streak as wide and as long as his and she finally wore him down.

The deal they struck had Buffy grinning to herself.  First, he would go, but only if she promised to spend the rest of the weekend with just him.  She had been planning on doing exactly that anyway.  Second, Angel insisted she go shopping with him for groceries to make sure they had everything necessary and enough to ensure no outside trips would be needed.  He didn’t want anything to interfere with them being alone.  Buffy hadn’t seen it as anything but a win–win situation.  She knew Angel thought forcing her to make two concessions gave him the better bargain.  But she couldn’t see how both shopping and spending the next two days with him didn’t make her the flat out winner.

*****

Once inside the grocery store, Angel turned the cart towards the first aisle, only to feel Buffy pull his arm in the opposite direction.  “Where are you going?” he asked, craning his head back to the spot he always began his shopping.

“I just want to see what’s on sale,” she told him, tugging on his arm, vaguely wondering why he was so hesitant.  She looked over the newspapers mounted on the wall, too busy to notice him still looking back to his starting place.  “Ah!” she exclaimed, “My favorite chips are on sale and those little hot dog thingys wrapped in dough.”  She smiled up at him in delight.

He frowned at her.  “That’s junk food, Buffy, it’s not nutritious,” Angel protested.  Catching her hand in his, he steered her back in the direction they had traveled, while his other hand pulled a crisp, neatly folded paper from his back pocket.

Buffy’s eyes widened, both at his actions and words.  She was struck silent as she watched him smooth out his paper, seeing a list of items in his careful, flowing script.  He moved quickly up the aisle, with hardly a pause, as she saw him fill the cart, marking the paper with a pen.  As he placed the items in a particular sequence, another check was made on the list.

It brought her back to the day she had observed him from a distance as he shopped, before she realized she was in love with him.  Was she, she wondered, in love with him even then?  She thought yes, but no matter, as long as they loved each other now.  But even love, it seemed, didn’t change a person overnight.

She stood in front of him, stopping him before he could touch one more nutritious thing.  “Look at me, Angel, do I appear undernourished?  Or unhealthy?” she queried in a firm voice.
 
It was his turn for his eyes to widen in surprise, but at the invitation, looked her over slowly from head to foot.  His look turned into a leer, an expression he had never worn before he knew Buffy, but one he caught himself using frequently now that they were together.  Trying to keep his mind on the groceries, he dragged his attention back to her questions.  “You look very healthy,” he assured her, “no sign of malnourishment anywhere.”

“Then you would agree that until now, I must have been capable of deciding what I should eat, right?” she asked.

Too late, he realized where she was going with her questions.  He had been so focused on his routine and choices, that he hadn’t picked up on her offense to his remark.  “Buffy, I didn’t mean … all right I did mean those things are junk.  If you want them,” he tried to cajole her, “then we’ll buy them.  But,” he couldn’t resist adding, “they are full of empty calories.”

Buffy’s jaw dropped and her eyes flashed for a moment.  “Are you saying I’m fat?” she asked in a dangerous whisper.

Angel gave her a long incredulous look, then suddenly laughed out loud.  The matching look on Buffy’s face made him laugh even harder.  He could almost see the thoughts run across her features, flickering from surprise, to anger, to confusion, then finally to mirth as her own tinkling laugh joined his.  “No, love,” he said once they caught their breath, “even I know better than to talk about a woman’s weight.”

His reply set both of them off once more.  Such a strong feeling of love overwhelmed him right there in the middle of the grocery store that Angel swooped down and caught her lips in a sweet, tender and very passionate kiss.  His arms closed around her, unwilling to let the moment end.

Buffy stayed where she was, enjoying the sheer pleasure of Angel’s laugh, and the never-ending thrill of his kiss.  She finally looked up at him, love and desire filling her eyes, “Guess we should hurry up with the food, huh?  Then get home?”

He nodded and turned quickly back to the shelves and his list, methodically reaching for the next item.  He heard her laugh, then saw her pick up a bag of nachos and toss it into the cart.  Before he could find a proper place for it, she threw in another, then several boxes and cans of goodies in quick succession.  Scowling, his head snapped up as the items poured into the cart, until he caught the twinkle in her eye.  It took him a few seconds, but then he grinned at her.  Taking his list in both hands, he held it up, tearing it into tiny pieces.

The two of them sailed through the rest of the store, throwing food into the cart, in a haphazard race to the checkout that left them once more laughing and out of breath.  Neither of them saw anyone but each other.  They were totally unaware of the looks and stares, some smiling, some casting a longing gaze at them, as they left the store arm in arm, pushing the cart together.

*****

If Angel had felt out of place in the lunchroom, the feeling was nothing in comparison to walking into the bar with Buffy.  She could feel every muscle in his body tense as they walked through the door.  Every muscle, that is, that hadn’t already been strained to the limit before they arrived.  He knew he was completely and totally out of his depth.  If this outing had been an assignment, a charade, something he often had to do as an agent, he would have put on his mask and played his part.  He had become adept over the years at doing whatever the job had entailed.  But this was real and that was where the difference lay.  He was with Buffy and he needed to be real for her.  That life he wanted so much to share with her meant being a part of her world and she was worth the cost.  At the thought he looked down at her and felt a little bit of her calm flow into him. He would do whatever he had to do for her, but never without her.

Most of the group was already there.  Buffy knew she and Angel being seen as a couple was still considered an oddity at work, probably even more so here.  She glanced at the inquisitive stares as they made their way to the table.

Willow and Tara, the only ones who had spoken to Buffy and Angel at work, were giving them encouraging looks.  Both women knew what kind of strength Angel had to possess to even be there.  Willow took in the sharp contrast of the ex-agent’s powerful build and gruff manner compared to her dainty friend, standing by his side, poised and petite.  Almost, she thought, like Beauty and the Beast.

Xander was trying to look nonchalant and not quite making it.  Angel still gave him the jitters.  Anya was oblivious to everyone except Xander.  Faith and Kate looked on with more curiosity than anything else.  Lindsey gave both the newcomers a genuine smile, he was happy to see them together, amazed Buffy had gotten Angel to join them.  Lindsey circled his arm around Faith, pleased to feel her draw closer to him.

They took the chairs next to Willow and Tara, Buffy sitting as close to Angel as possible.  Xander offered, more out of nervousness than anything else, to get the two new arrivals some drinks.  Buffy thanked him, but Angel insisted in a tense voice on paying for them.  Buffy tempered his response by suggesting they buy a round for everyone.  Angel agreed at her nod and she felt him relax just a little as he handed Xander the money to give Willy for their order.

Lindsey asked Angel about a problem he’d run into at work.  Angel knew McDonald was purposely drawing him into a conversation.  He went along, knowing Lindsey was making an effort to help him fit in with the group.  Buffy had set him straight on what her conversation with the lead agent had actually been about on the night Angel overheard them.  He was somewhat chagrined, but Angel bore in mind Lindsey’s looks of open admiration for Buffy.  If Faith hadn’t been in the picture, he had no doubt McDonald would have taken a deeper interest in the lithesome blonde Angel held by his side.  Nor had Angel forgotten that McDonald gave Buffy information he wasn't at liberty to share.  Buffy had convinced him, however, that his former work mate had Angel's best interests at heart and had been willing to accept the consequences of his actions.  Angel found he couldn't object to what Lindsey McDonald had done when he'd already forgiven his sister for the same offense.

Xander passed out the drinks while a few of them discussed their plans for the weekend.  Buffy colored slightly when Willow asked if she was doing anything special.  Angel caught Buffy’s eye and actually grinned when she mumbled to her best friend that her time was pretty much spoken for.

Lindsey was still talking to Angel when he glanced up and saw Riley walk in the door.  Their conversation stopped as the last member of their circle approached the table.  Lindsey saw the glare of open hatred Riley fixed on Angel and wondered what was to come.  Buffy caught the same look as Lindsey.  Snaking her arms around Angel’s waist, she felt him wrap his arms around her reflexively.  She had hoped Riley wouldn’t show up.  Even though she knew that eventually Angel and Riley would have to finish whatever was between them, she hadn’t intended to see them deal with each other the moment they met.  This was the first time she’d gotten Angel to go anywhere, she didn’t want it to be the last.

It took one look to send Riley over the edge.  Seeing the couple at work had been bad enough.  It seemed to him since that first glance of them in the parking lot earlier in the week that anywhere Riley looked, Buffy and Angelus were nearby ... and always together.  Now finding the two of them wrapped around each other and the center of attention among his friends pushed him too far.  He wasn't going to play second fiddle to anyone, especially Liam Angelus.

Angel watched as Riley stared at him, then at Buffy.  His dark brown eyes shot a warning glance at him, daring Riley to say or do anything, anything at all.

Riley couldn’t pass up the challenge.  “It’s a good thing for all of us it’s a clear night,” he told Angel as he dropped his jacket around the back of the chair and sat down across from them.

Already wound and spoiling to give Riley what he thought he so richly deserved, Angel replied in a firm, cool tone, “It’s a good thing no one here would have to depend on you if it wasn’t.”  The boy had done a lot of damage to Angel and still refused to accept responsibility for his wrongdoing.

“You should talk,” Riley snorted.  You think anyone would take a chance depending on you?  I’m thinking not likely after what you did,” he said

Everyone around the table had gone silent at the first exchange between the two angry men.  Angelus was as much an unknown factor to them now as the day he was first reassigned to their section.  And while Lindsey, who had known him much longer, had caught glimpses, only Buffy knew what lay beneath the cool, austere exterior of her cryptic, brooding lover.  Riley had been part of the group sitting at the table since his transfer from the field, always ready and willing to socialize with his co-workers or lend a helping hand.  His usually amiable, out-going manner granted him easy acceptance into their midst.  He'd become fast friends with a few of them.

There had been whispers and rumors about both men since their relocation two years earlier.  The talk had recently been fanned anew by the overt hostility between the ex-agents of late and their obviously escalating enmity.  Riley Finn wouldn’t have been wrong to think most of those gathered had unconsciously taken his side between the two … until now.

“And what exactly was it that I did, Finn?” Angel asked, tired of the boy's constant barbs and innuendoes.

“You forget that pesky little trip to the looneybin?” Riley sneered.

With a dispassionate air, Angel waved the taunt aside.  “Everyone knows what happened to me.  What exactly are you talking about that I did?” he repeated slowly as if talking to a particularly dull child. “This is your chance to tell your side.  I’d really like to know.  And what exactly did you do?” he continued questioning him sharply.

“I was doing what I was supposed to be doing,” Riley shot back.

“And what was that?” Angel countered still keeping an even voice, “Staying at your post as you were ordered?”

Riley hesitated, feeling the eyes of his friends on him, he broke out in a sweat.  He looked at Angelus sitting there with Buffy curled closely against him.  Angelus was calm, collected and in control, like there was absolutely nothing wrong with him.  He sat there staring directly into Riley’s eyes waiting for an answer.

The memories of that day filtered through Riley Finn’s mind, as they always did.  He had overheard part of a conversation Angelus had about the exercise with another agent and about the general location of something that had been hidden.  Riley assumed their mission was retrieving whatever had been concealed.  He came up with a plan to do just that.  Later, when only the two of them were left at the site, he tried to convince Angelus to listen to him.

After the other man harshly barked at him to do as he had previously been ordered, Finn waited until he saw his chance and slipped away alone.  He knew he couldn’t sway the taciturn senior agent, but if he was successful, it would show everyone how valuable Riley was to the team.  He switched off his radio, thinking he could say later that it hadn’t been working right.  Checking his watch, he figured roughly how long he had to get back before the others returned.  Unfamiliar with the terrain, he kept wandering further off course.  He wasn't able to locate what he thought had been their objective, the weather slowing his failed efforts.  The trail was obliterated by the increasingly violent storm that moved into the area.

By the time he’d turned the radio back on and followed the coordinates to the clearing, it was too late.  The team had found Angelus in the only clearing for miles in the deep woods.  Riley saw the tree that he heard about during the inquest that followed.  The tall pine had been splintered in half by lightening.  Beneath its fallen limbs, they had found Liam Angelus lying huddled in a quivering mass.  When they approached him he reared up like a savage berserker, sweeping away anything and anyone in his path.  It had taken two teams of men to finally subdue him.

Finn blundered his way through the hearing, saying he too had gotten lost in the storm that put Angelus in the hospital.

“I got lost,” Riley told him, not looking him in the eye, repeating the same lie he had used before.

“I looked for you, Finn,” Angel said steadily, not taking his eyes off him, “You were my responsibility.  I kept in radio contact, kept checking back at the post and kept looking for you.  I had to keep making bigger, wider sweeps to try to find you."

"If you'd just listened to me, I wouldn't have had to try on my own before we failed the exercise.  You wouldn't hear me out," Riley said, "I tried to tell you I could find our objective.  I had a plan, but you wouldn't listen."

Angel kept his gaze leveled on the younger man.  "The point of the exercise was to teach new recruits how to work as a team, how their very lives might depend on it.  And how to take orders, regardless of how they felt about them.  And your job was to stand by with your radio and follow those orders when they came through."

Until that moment Riley Finn had never known that.  Whether it was never brought to light during the inquest or he was so worried about the fate of his career that he hadn’t heard what the true objective was, he didn’t know.  The maneuver wasn’t a treasure hunt, it was a test of competence … and he had failed.  Those twinges of guilt he had never been able to wash away with whiskey were now twisting his stomach in tense knots.

 “My radio wasn’t working,” Riley lied again.  The truth was cutting in, in spite of his unwillingness to face it.

“There was nothing wrong with your radio,” Lindsey suddenly interjected.  “In fact it contained everything that happened.”  Faith nudged him softly and he looked at her, nodding.  Buffy already knew, McDonald thought, now it was about time Riley's friends knew just what kind of a man he was, even if it cost Lindsey his job.  Finn trying to play hero had cost Liam Angelus everything.

Riley felt cornered as both the former and present team leaders stared at him intently, “What do you mean it had everything that happened?  It didn’t work.”

“It worked perfectly, Finn, including the monitoring chip hidden inside.  It recorded everywhere you went and everything you did,” Lindsey said disgustedly.
 
Riley felt the reality of McDonald's words slice even deeper into his gut.  They had known all along what he had done.  Still refusing to face it he insisted, “Then why wasn’t I fired? Why wasn’t I kicked out?”

Lindsey shook his head, then nodded towards Angel.  “Because Angelus wouldn’t press charges and the recording couldn’t be used as hard evidence, even within the agency.”   Lindsey looked up, his opinion of Riley written across his face.  “You were new and young and stupid and you put everyone around you in danger.  You deserved to be fired.”

He still desperately tried to save himself at Angelus’ expense.  Riley looked back at his inquisitor, whose eyes had never left his face.  “You had your chance to get even, why didn’t you take it?” he bit out.

“Because you were right,” Angel heard himself saying, still keeping his tone even.  Answering Riley’s look of confusion, he continued, “Because I shouldn’t have been out there.  I couldn’t find fault with you when I had no business being there myself.”

“Then you admit it,” Riley exclaimed, “You bought your way into the agency and the team,” as if proving his point.

Angel felt his anger flaring back, “No, Finn, I worked for everything I got.”  Not believing he was saying out loud in front of everyone what he had only shared with Buffy, he told him, “It was thanks to you I found out how I got by the screening.  Until then I didn’t know myself I never passed it.”

“That’s a lie…” Riley began.

“You know all about those, don’t you, Finn?” Angel asked cutting him off.  “I thought I hated you, but I don’t.  I pity you.  You remind me of what I was like, trying to be something I never was.  I lied to myself for a long time, but I never lied to anyone else.”

Riley had never been a liar either, not until that day he had ignored direct orders, thinking he knew what was best.  He lied about leaving his post … and that lie had begotten another and another.  Riley Finn suddenly realized he hated himself and what he'd become, knowing that was the root of the guilt he'd carried the last two years.  But although he hated himself, he hated Liam Angelus more.  He hated that Angelus had been right and Riley hated the thought he might have been responsible for what happened to the other man because of what he did.  And he hated that Liam Angelus was sitting there in front of him and all his friends, tearing Riley's life apart before his eyes, holding the woman who preferred Angelus' broken pieces to him.

“And what are you now?” Finn asked, seething with disdain.  “Something the storm blew in?  Don’t you think she deserves better than you?” he jeered cuttingly, pointing at Buffy.

Buffy’s arms tightened around Angel at the cruel words.  Angel stood, leaning her back gently in her chair, then turned back to Riley.  He did pity Riley, but he couldn’t deny he still loathed the sight of him.  Angel could take whatever Riley had to say about him, but not Buffy.  That was somewhere the boy wasn’t allowed to go.

“I might not be much,” Angel told him, moving around the table with a fluid, catlike grace as he spoke, “but I’m not a liar.  And who she wants to be with is up to her, not me and certainly not you.”  Stepping closer, Angel held up his claddagh ring within inches of Riley’s face and told him in a still, proud tone,  “But you know what, Finn?  She knows everything there is to know about me and she still wants to be with me.  She chose to be with me.”  His anger finally showing itself, Angel growled at him, “She’s mine!  Don’t ever try to come anywhere near her or come between us again.  Get your sorry ass out of my sight before I kick it through the door.”

Riley was furious, rapidly losing the last shreds of reasonable thought.  Everyone was looking at him as if he was the one who was nuts.  And Buffy sat there looking at Angelus with a brilliant smile, holding her hand aloft to show the smaller version of the ring Angelus wore, as if to agree with all he had said.  He couldn’t get over that she could love someone like this lunatic, she must be just as crazy.  He didn’t have to listen to Liam Angelus, he wasn't ever going to give Riley an order again.  Finn started to raise his hand towards him.

Angel caught Riley’s hand before it even clenched into a fist.  Bringing the taller man right up against him, he gripped his hand hard enough to hear small bones crunch.  “Don’t!” Angel said, his voice thick with warning, “You don’t know how much I want you to,” then thrust him away towards the door.

Angry as he was, Riley knew he was no match for the man before him.  Angelus had already bested him twice.  The bruises on his face from their last encounter had barely healed.  Riley could feel the animosity from not only Angelus, but from Lindsey and the rest of those still seated at the table.  In his heart he knew what Angelus had said was true, but he wasn’t about to answer to all the faces around him.  Riley had no answer and he knew it.  The lies he had perpetuated had found him out and the trust of his friends before him was now the price.  He couldn't face any of them ever again.  Without raising his eyes, he grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair.  Only silence followed him as he walked through the doorway, into the darkness and out of their sight.

Buffy had jumped from her chair as the two men had closed in on each other.  Angel turned around and she was there in his arms before he knew it.  Her arms circled his waist in a tight embrace, her ear against his chest and the racing beat of his heart.  Angel bent his head to place a kiss on the small blonde head tucked under his chin.  Not trying to release himself from her hold, he steered her back to their chairs, turned around and drew her into his lap as he sat down.

Xander cleared his throat and in as normal a voice as he could find said, “I think we need some beer, it’s on me.”  The confrontation between the two men had changed Xander’s view of both of them considerably.  Buffy peeked at him from under Angel’s jaw gracing him with a tiny smile.  Maybe, Xander thought, Buffy was a better judge of character than the little credit he had given her.

“Sorry,” Buffy whispered up to Angel while Xander kept everyone entertained by playing waiter again.

He knew she felt badly, but in an odd way he was relieved.  Finn had been a thorn in his side for a long time.  And although he would never have imagined announcing his own failings in front of an audience, strangely, it didn’t bother him.  He felt lighter for it somehow.

“It was bound to happen sooner or later, Buffy,” he reassured her softly.

“It wasn’t how I hoped the evening would go,” she said sadly. “I wanted them to get to know you.”

“I think they know more now than they wanted to,” he whispered wryly.

She looked up at his words, expecting to see a scowl and was surprised instead to see him smile at her.  “I promise,” she said, “it won’t be like this the next time.”

“The next time?  Buffy…” he stopped as he heard a soft giggle in his ear.

“Just kidding, Angel!” she whispered back, “I’ll give you a little break before the next time.”

His only response was a low growl she felt rather than heard.

Lindsey looked at the two whispering to each other as his own arm tightened around Faith’s shoulders.  His admiration of Angelus had gone up another notch.  He didn’t think he was brave enough to be as bluntly honest to admit something like that as publicly as Angelus had.  It hadn’t been pretty, but the man had guts.  No small credit, he thought, went to the lovely and loving figure wrapped securely in his former superior’s arms.  Lindsey mused while taking a long slow draught of beer, there was hope for Liam Angelus yet.

The group loosened up a bit after the pitcher of beer was drained and another appeared in its place, this time as Lindsey’s treat.  Angel said hardly a word, most of his attention fixed on the bundle of softness molded into his lap.  He wore the semblance of a smile and made the effort every now and then to let his eyes rove over the faces surrounding him, but stayed his usual stoic self.  Buffy snuggled comfortably against Angel’s chest, but it didn’t keep her from keeping up her part of the conversation as it drifted lazily around the table.

She suddenly felt Angel sit up straight and glanced up to see him staring at the front door.  She followed his gaze to the platinum blonde in the leather duster who had just entered.  Buffy recognized him as the guy who always sat over in the smoking section.  She was pretty sure it was the waitress’s boyfriend.  As the man turned towards them Angel stiffened and his arms instinctively drew her tight against him.

“Spike,” she heard Angel say under his breath.

“Dru’s brother?” she asked, shocked.  She had heard about him from both Angel and Cordelia.  Buffy instantly asked herself what was Spike doing hanging out in a bar up the street from where they worked?  She didn’t believe in coincidence.

Angel saw the startled look cross Spike’s features when he caught sight of him.  He saw his gaze jump from his face down to Buffy’s and back up again, a look of incredulity mixed with the surprise of finding him there.  He didn't miss the obvious heat that Spike's glance held as it lingered on Buffy.

Spike recovered his wits fairly quickly and sauntered over to the table standing in front of Riley’s vacated seat.  “Angelus,” he said, a sly smile forming on his hard lips, “fancy meeting you of all people.”

“What are you doing here, Spike?” Angel asked in a tight voice, his arms pressing Buffy even more firmly against him.

Spike caught the movement and continued to openly rake his eyes over Buffy’s form. “Why, I come here quite often,” Spike said smoothly, “it’s like a second home to me.”

McDonald looked over his shoulder, behind Faith, at the man talking to Angelus.  He felt the tension rising between them at each word they spoke.  He had noticed the yellow-haired tough.  He’d had an eye on him ever since the man had made himself a frequent visitor.  Lindsey had never liked the looks of the guy, but it wasn’t enough of a reason to investigate him.  He’d done nothing wrong and Lindsey couldn’t do a follow up on him just because he didn’t know him.  He was thinking now he wished he’d trusted his instincts.

“What do you want?” Angel asked evenly.

“Nothing,” Spike said, “just stopping to say hello, don’t let me interrupt.  I can see you’re … busy.”  His gaze once more swept over Buffy from head to foot.  Without another word, he turned and headed toward the smoking section.

Buffy could feel the adrenaline racing through Angel as his arms banded around her like steel.   Although Angel’s confrontation with Riley earlier had been intense, the emotions snapping out of Angel’s eyes as he held Spike’s made it pale in comparison.

The short, but strangely intense encounter between the two men rekindled the same air everyone there had just worked so hard to dispel after Riley’s departure.  The roller coaster effect was more than the group could take and each of them started moving away from the table, making motions to leave.

Lindsey stood, coat in hand, talking to Buffy after Angel finally released her from his grasp.  The authoritative manner Angel unconsciously reverted to was clear in his words to Lindsey as he interrupted their conversation, “His name is William ‘Spike’ Holtz, I want to know everything about him you can find.”

Without hesitation, McDonald replied, “Done.”

Angel latched a protective arm around Buffy’s shoulders and steered her out the door purposely ignoring the pair of keen blue eyes he could feel burning into his back.

[end chapter 15]

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